weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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