the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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