Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
