you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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