Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
