ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
