You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
