so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
