I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Houston, we have a blender
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
