So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
