Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
