I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
