omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
