Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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