Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
