I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Iām going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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