The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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