Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
