A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
