the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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