she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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