my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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