You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
