I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
