Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
