I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
