Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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