So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
