evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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