well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
