Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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