I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
