my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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