Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
