you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
