So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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