Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
