i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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