My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
