Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
