Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
