So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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