Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
