I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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