She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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