so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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