Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
