Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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