i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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