Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
